Throughout this year of me being home with my child I have learned and grown in a way that has been unimaginable. I have taken care of this little being practically alone and with little help. Sleepless nights, breast feeding, pumping through the wee hours of the morning, diapers galore, acid reflux, and just the wonder of am I doing things right? Am I providing enough? Is he ok? This kills my heart knowing that through all this I was crying and sad and just alone. During this time I put my thoughts to something positive. I decided because I am obsessed with books I would write a children’s book for my son. So I did. I wrote a little every night. Perfected it everyday. Then I researched publications and so forth. Should I self publish? It costs a lot and Lord knows I do not have it. See I am not “working” at the moment. I put it in quotes because this is the hardest job I have ever had. So I have no money because I get paid in kisses and snuggles. And be honest if you self publish are you really good enough for the industry or are people just taking your money? So I decide to submit to a lot of publishing companies. I received so many denials I thought what was I thinking? Then came an offer. An offer from London! But I had to pay 4000.00 and WHAT? I wish I could just scream in frustration. So time goes on. Now we are at almost a year that I have submitted and last week I received an email stating that someone wanted to video conference me to discuss my submission. After forty five minutes of discussing and exchanging pleasantries I was informed that after speaking with the other candidates I would receive a response soon. Well today is the day! I received an offer from a US company. They want to 100% make my dreams come true and they want to publish, print, and market my book. I have no words how truly grateful I am and how exciting this all is. You see I do this for my son. So he can see that I am someone and working hard pays off. So here’s to you Landon, when God blessed me with you doors started closing for me. Some relationships even ended. But now those same doors that closed are now opening with abundance. Everything I have and do is for you.
Well it’s been a great summer and this week it is officially over. The last time I blogged about how my son was not eating. Well to all mommas out there the eating has begun and it is fierce! Thank Goodness!!! Being a mom is stressful enough and now to add will he eat today to the list is just inconceivable. I am grateful that is over with. My little one’s first birthday was in August and we decided to go to Walt Disney World. What a great trip. It was extremely hot though so watch out for when you book your trip. I called it the happiest hell on earth it was that HOT! There’s a new video all about our trip on our YouTube Channel click HERE. You can see a snippet of all that we did and even the parade announcer saying happy birthday to my baby boy.
So now he is one and on the go. He’s still not walking unsupported yet but he is working on it. I am not too worried, but if people would stop telling me he should be walking by now that would be great. He’s not touching his nose but he is clapping when I say bye bye so I assume he’s happy I am leaving. Stay at home moms don’t always get the appreciation we are supposed to receive so I take his clapping as applause for me. 🙂
I look forward to an amazing Fall season and the changing of the leaves! This is my favorite season. Get ready for some sensory bins I will be making and they are so easy you will love them. Well I hope you had a great summer and if you need to vent or ask questions because most Mommas just need an ear to listen. I am here for you.
Finally! Landon has embraced crawling and now he is standing ! I was getting so worried. All of my friends which have babies (the same age or younger) are already walking! What The????? So here we go with the needless stress and worry of why isn’t he even trying. Why doesn’t he want to? Is he lacking in developmental milestones? Is this my fault? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we compare babies and why do we as mothers just sit and put ourselves down all the time? Yes, I want my baby to walk like your baby does. I want my son to eat just like your baby eats but guess what? He’s doing things on his own time. For a few days he wouldn’t eat and just wanted his bottle. For a few days I cried thinking to myself that he is going to bed without having eaten… worst feeling in the world. Being responsible for a tiny human is so freaking nerve wrecking. Then yesterday happened! I decided to serve dinner spoon free and guess what he ate it all! Yes our hands were messy but we had a ton of fun and he ate. Have you seen the movie Christmas Story when the mother tells Randy “How do the little piggies eat?” and the boy scoffs down his mash potatoes as if he was a piggie. Yes, this is what happened. The heavens opened for me and he ate it all.
This morning he decided I am going to stand up and hold myself because it is time and guess what? He did it! He is pulling himself up and standing. Who needs crawling anyway. He is doing his own thing. When will I learn that all children are different and not one will do what the other does on a timeline. We just have to sit back and thank God everyday that I am able to witness all of his feats and that I teach him well. So if you are a mom out there that is like me (completely enthralled in developmental milestones and timelines) step back, take a deep breath and exhale. Everything is going to be ok. Everything will happen when it happens. Enjoy your moments. I know I am now. If you want to see his ability to stand CLICK HERE!
So I am on to my baby’s new formula journey. All I can say is UUGH! Let’s discuss this scooper. I have made a video rant on it ! I am very displeased with this UNPACKED method. Why do we as parents have to deal with this too on our plate? Why can’t there just be a scooper that you pack and give?
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Today marks my son’s 10 month point and on this day my nursing journey is over. How do I feel? A bit disappointed to not have made it to my year goal. A bit relieved to have my body back. A bit jealous as to why some moms get an oversupply and I did not. You name it I did it. The oatmeal, flaxseed, water, gatorade, power pumping, pumping every two hours, and so forth. We as moms we commit to do whatever it takes to give our baby the best. Overnight pumping was the worst, but nothing beats getting bit and bleeding from your already sore and exhausted nipple. Geez, why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we put ourselves through clogged ducts and Mastitis. Unless you are on this personal journey with your baby and you commit fully you can’t understand the why. Such a gratification to know that your body is able to supply the nutrients needed for your baby. Every pound they gain is because of your dedication and your efforts. Why do some get more milk than others and why do some not get any at all? We will never know. I have been blessed with supplying my baby with 10 months worth and I am happy I did this journey. I am proud of my confidence to nurse in public and to be able to show people that breast feeding is NORMAL and we should not shame moms for doing so. Normalize breastfeeding stop frowning on it. Some babies (I know mine for sure) did not like the covers. How would you like to eat with a blanket over your face? Moms are already exhausted from staying up and taking care of everything and everyone, so when she is feeding her child leave her alone. Don’t make a face, don’t comment (no one asked) , stop shaming and just think of it as it is. A baby feeding. To all moms out there keep on feeding those little ones. Don’t think about what people say and feed your baby. Its 2017, I think we go through so much to also make this a problem. I support all moms nursing or not. We are Rock Stars! I am grateful to have made it 10 months! WOOHOO!!! Thank you God.
The first mother role I played is of stepmom. Is there anything scarier then meeting the children of your significant other? The answer no. You want to impress while remaining calm and hoping for the best. What do they think? Will they like you? Will they hate you? Will they blame you for Daddy not being home? The answer to all is to remain calm, be yourself, and just go with the flow. There are many ups and downs in the role of step parent. In my case, you play the role of mother but you don’t get the credit. The holidays come around like Christmas, Mother’s Day, birthday… and you probably won’t get any acknowledgement until they are much older and you have done your time as a role model. At the end of the day that’s what you are the role model. You still have to remain positive, caring, and supportive. You might not get a lot of support in return because you have to put in your time first. I think it took me three years before the boys even said I love you Diana. It’s hard. Being supportive with their mother is also a role to play. Caring for the children together and being a parental team has the best outcomes. The beginning is so trying. You think over and over is this what I want to deal with in my life. Do I want conflict daily with a mom that doesn’t care for me? Do I want to be involved with children that hate me all day because of what they hear? My answer was easy. I love my husband. I know he is my soul mate. I know he is my family. I knew it from our first date. I knew it would be hard, but I did not care. What ever is his life would be mine. I was determined to be the best role model to these little boys. I was in it for the long haul. Seven years in so far and my husband just found a video of one of the boys who recorded himself for a future YouTube video and he filmed me. While filming me he said “The guest of my show is Diana. There she is. She’s not important. Actually, I lie, she is very important she is in every video I will ever make. She is an important person to me”. Wow. Validation after so many years. The older one also says “I love you Diana” every time he says farewell. Their mother has accepted my support as well. Our relationship is an amicable one. If you are a new step parent and have fears or reservations please know if you put in the time, effort and love it will be reciprocated. I promise. It is not an easy journey but at the end an extra parent is more love. I love them with all my heart and now even though they are not my DNA they are my family.
Sending you all my support.
Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we question every single decision we make and think about the outcomes in three different scenarios? Do you do that or is it just me? Is the baby ready for peanut butter? Read three hours worth of materials on peanut butter and babies online. What are the best sunscreens for babies? Research sunscreens in depth for three days. Is this toy safe? Why isn’t my baby crawling yet? How much is my baby supposed to weigh and how do I produce more milk? When does too much researching turn into an obsession? How did our parents do it without the internet? How did we possibly survive? Do I believe we are too hard on ourselves? Yes. Do I believe we obsess and compare ourselves to others on a daily basis? Yes. I do it all the time. Is my baby thriving as much as my friends? Let me see that video one more time. The days of technology have changed motherhood forever. We second guess ourselves all the time. We research frantically before doing anything and we read reviews on every single little item or ingredient before we move forward. With all the obsessive researching there is a plus side to technology. It has opened the doors to many moms for help. There are mommy groups of all kinds which help with venting, to nursing, to can you check the color of my baby’s poop and tell me it’s ok. Information is at the ready for you to check out all the cute clothes for your little one while you stay home and care for your precious bundle. I am sure Amazon became public because of all the moms and dads that stay at home with newborns. A nice distraction from daily duties of poopie diapers and nursing all day. Social media applications allow you to keep in touch with friends or just distract from the everyday cabin fever. How did moms do it before technology? I will never know.
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When I watched the movie “The Pursuit of Happiness” and the mother of the child decided that role and family life was not for her, which caused her to leave her husband and abandon her child I was dumbfounded. How can she do that? How can she leave her child? I could not for the life of me understand it or even fathom it. I would think to myself wow she’s a selfish bitch and beyond terrible for leaving her family. Tonight as I attempt to soothe my poor teething son for the hundred millionth time… I GET IT! I fully embrace why she left and why she pursued her happiness. You know what she was… she was freakin tired. She was exhausted and she was mentally done. There is only so much a person can do before they snap. I get it. I understand fully. Tonight as I attempt to nurse my screaming baby next to my sound asleep husband I get it. At 4:30 in the morning when my baby is so uncomfortable and I have to change him and make a bottle for him meanwhile my wonderful husband just rolls over and continues his rest; I get it. When there isn’t enough breast milk in my boob and the baby decides to bite down with full force on my nipple and now I am bleeding and in excruciating pain; I get it. I completely understand. As the tears roll down my face because as a mother you’re told you have to be the matriarch of the family. The strong one that handles all of these situations. Your job is 24 hours a day. Every single day without rest because you can not rest. How dare you even request to rest. Your poor husband works so hard and pays all the bills he needs his rest not you. You stay home and you feed around the clock, cook, clean, and make sure everyone has taken their bath or shower, eaten their dinner, cleaned up their dishes, washed all their clothes, folded said clothes and put said clothes away for everyone without even a thank you coming your way. Oh and make sure you are developmentally stimulating your baby so that the baby can thrive and be the smartest baby out there. I get it. By the way when was the last time you showered alone and in peace for more than 6 minutes? Maybe I can condition my hair today. Cue in screaming infant and the thought of you showering is now non-existent. I get it. Take care of those mother’s/wives/matriarchs that are doing so much for you and your family because I totally get it.
I read a story online about a couple who went to adopt a baby from an orphanage in Asia. When the couple walked in to the nursery they could hear a pin drop. The nursery had over 100 babies and it was so strange that the room was silent. The future mother then asked the head of the orphanage “How are all these babies so calm and quiet?” “What is your secret?” The head of the orphanage then said “The babies used to cry but now they don’t. They have become accustomed to the fact that no one is coming for them.” When I read this story I vowed to never make my son feel that no one was not coming for him. I wanted him to feel safe and make sure he always knows that momma will always be there. So now we are working on transferring him from co-sleeping to independent sleeping in his crib. Before doing so I have been following a strict routine with our little man. At 7pm we begin our bedtime routine. It consists of bath time, feeding time, story time, and quiet time. I have done this routine meticulously for the last two months. Now he is completely used to it and at 7pm becomes fussy for bedtime. I think this has made my transition to the crib easier because he knows and understands that it is bedtime. I have missed many dinners with friends and many nights of going out just to follow this routine. I feel this routine is so important and my choice between going out and doing this was easy. My baby comes first and he always will. First two weeks were not easy by any means. I began slowly and when he would cry I would take him to my room, nurse and stay with him. I did this every time he cried. I did not want him to feel abandoned and I certainly did not want him to hate being in his crib. All I could think about is that there has to be a better way then letting a baby cry. Now do not crucify me I completely understand that babies will cry and show displeasure. I am not saying that my child does not cry he most certainly does; but what I am saying is this specific situation I will not let him cry. There has to be a happy way for them to soothe themselves so that when you place them in the crib they understand it is time to sleep. I started to place him in his crib during the day naps so that he can get used to it. Then following the routine I kept placing him in the crib at night. I stayed next to the crib for the first few times. Then last night it happened. He was in what I call full party mode. I did the bedtime routine and I placed him in his crib wide awake. I took my handy baby monitor and watched from the living room. He played around for around 8 minutes then he started rubbing his eyes. He kept kicking up his legs and turning to the side and 7 more minutes pass and all of a sudden silence. I run upstairs to check and it has happened he has put himself to sleep without crying. He did it! I was overjoyed and sad at the same time. Overjoyed because I knew there was a way to accomplish this sleep training without making babies cry it out. I was sad because my little guy did not need momma’s cuddles to make him sleep anymore. It is a new journey for him and he is learning and thriving so well. I am a proud momma.
Now we are ready to transition our five month old from co-sleeping with us to his own room and crib. I wish I could co-sleep forever because I feel such a peace when he is with me but I know that transitioning him to his crib is important. It also helps the marriage in the process…wink wink…
My dilemma came when I noticed my little man would push himself next to the railing and/or go sideways and I am afraid he will bump his head on the bars. I needed a bumper for the crib, but in talking to my pediatrician I was told no bumpers allowed because SIDS can happen. WHAT! So what do I do? I asked and was told he will be fine. I immediately went online to research safe bumpers. I found some mesh ones but they wouldn’t work for me because they did not have the cushion in case he bumped his head. Then I found it. Single bar bumpers from Go Mama Go Designs. They individually wrap around the bars and give cushion without blocking the spaces between the bars and SIDS would not be a problem. They are pretty expensive, but I believe worth it for peace of mind. They come in cool designs and you can match them to your nursery without any problems. You can purchase a set of 38 or as I did buy individual 2 pack ones. My crib only has 18 bars so I did not need a whole new set. They are really well made and they fit most cribs. My crib has wide bars so I am not sure they were meant for it but I made it work. They are reversible so you can alternate colors or pick one side each time. I made a short video of my installation of these crib bumpers. They are sold everywhere… just search Go Mama Go Designs Wonder Bumpers.
To watch the video : CLICK HERE!